Stay At Home Moms

I read and follow a lot of blogs and was intrigued by one that I read today.  It really promotes stay-at-home moms.  Now I was lucky enough to be a stay-at-home mom for all of my daughter's growing up.  I always wanted to be a wife and mom.  I never wanted a career.  I was perfectly happy at home and never planned on re-entering the work force.  I thought my husband was 100 percent in sync with that thought.  Guess what?  Life doesn't always work out the way you plan.

Now the blog I was reading is against women working outside the home in general, and especially if you're a mom.  I entered marriage with exactly those same thoughts.  But this is what I found.  There is a big difference between being a stay-at-home wife and being a homemaker.  Anyone can stay at home.  I know many women who don't work and stay at home - except that staying at home means running all over creation and doing lots of socializing.  It doesn't mean that if they have children they are spending much more time with them than someone who works outside the home.  It doesn't mean that they're putting their hearts into their homes and making it a sanctuary for the people who live there.  It doesn't mean that they are putting time and effort into their marriages.  It doesn't mean homecooked meals and families around the dinner table.  It just means that they are taking the hours they are spending not going to a job and filling them with other activities.  I guess the point I am trying to make is that the important thing is where your heart is at, not whether you can stay at home full time or not.

Now I always dreamt of being a homemaker and a mother and I was lucky enough be able to stay home full-time to raise my daughter and homeschool her from 1st through 12th grade.  She went off to our local community college and then to University and had the grades to graduate with honors.  She turned out to be a perfectly normal person, despite what people say about homeschoolers.  Looking back I can see though that I concentrated so much on being a good mom that being a good wife or homemaker came after.  In addition to homeschooling, outside activities with my daughter, and church, I was very into all my hobbies, to the point where my husband and my home sometimes got neglected.  Nothing major, but life was definitely out of balance.

It should not have surprised me then, although it threw me for a loop, to have my husband suggest I get a job when my daughter started off to college and we were through homeschooling.  Hey, I was against women working outside the home.  This was unfair.  I thought he agreed with that.  It was then that I realized why the subject came up.  He obviously felt that if I was going to be spending all that time outside the home or on hobbies, I might as well be getting paid for it.  I realized I was reaping what I'd sowed.

Now I have a wonderful job that I love.  It is a job, not a career.  And though I go to work every day, my heart is in my home and with my family.  They are my first priorities.  My hobbies are part of my  life, but not my focus.  I still have a long way to go to get to where I want to be, but I know I'm on the right path.  My daughter is a wonderful wife and mother who has to work outside the home part-time.  I know she would like to be a full-time stay-at-home mother.  In today's economy, I'm not sure that that is a realistic goal any more.  But I hope she finds the right balance between work and home and uses her time at home wisely and productively to not just be a stay-at-home person, but really learn how to be a good mother, wife, and homemaker in all its different facets. 

~Jane